Open Letter - 16

Dear Society,

How was your week? Mine was peaceful and I hope you were quite at peace too. It was since last night that my peaceful mind got disturbed. The disturbance was the result of a conversation I had with a friend of mine but as it always happens, the blame behind my anguish however falls on your shoulders. I am writing this letter to quell my anguish before you, because, if I do not let my anguish out, my child shall become stressful and restless.

It was a pretty simple conversation with an old friend from my schooling. After few pleasantries our discussion moved on to my pregnancy and the hard days ahead. Like everyone else, he too wished I give birth to a baby boy and trust me, I got so used to the wish that I was literally unmoved this time. However, a little intrigued at receiving this request from a peer, I asked him why he doesn’t want me to give birth to a girl. His answer to my simple question left me disturbed from the moment it reached my ears.

“Because girls don’t bring dowry and boys do”, he said as if it is the most obvious reason behind his request.

Dear society, can you believe it? A young man of no more than thirty years wishes to have a son so that he can demand a booty in his sixties! Our innocent boys are being treated as post retirement pension plans and we keep thinking these people were so desperate to have sons because they love their boys. Well, to expect a successful career for your child can be called love. But, what name can we give to this irrational love for the jackpot that your child can get you just because he is a boy?

While we consider ourselves a progressive country, why do we still encourage dowry? A bride’s family cannot deny giving dowry as it might seem miserly and a groom’s family cannot deny receiving dowry as it might seem arrogant before others. Dowry, a crime in its true sense, gets rarely recognized as one. Education, wealth, power, status, cadre, nothing has to do with one’s stand on dowry. It is an unavoidable sin that we keep committing just because we find no other way out.

Dear society, do you think dowry is really unavoidable? Do you not think dowry is a serious crime and can actually be a game changer if challenged rightfully?

A man is forced to hand over a lifetime of his savings to another just because he didn’t have to good grace to give birth to a son. A girl is denied higher education or financial support from her family just because they had to save for her dowry. A young man had to forgo his passion just because he had to earn enough by the time his sister gets wedded and then wait for his share of wealth to arrive from another miserable family.

Rarely do we openly speak of it, but have you ever been to one of those dowry discussions at the bride’s? Like hiring an auto-rickshaw, they shall haggle for hours until they reach a compromise. In money, properties and gold proceed the discussions weighing all pros and cons for either parties. Once a deal is struck, they sit down to dine together, thus to solemnize a union. At such meetings you don’t seem to have moved any further from your barbarian way of living.

Dear society, your defense that dowry is inevitable as girls are dependent on men is outdated. Even if there are women that are still confined to their four walls, it again falls on your shoulders to bear the blame. It was you that failed to teach them to be independent. You should have taught them right from their childhood that it is not okay to depend on others to feed them the way you teach your men since the day they are born.

Instead of saving for a daughter’s wedding, a family can instead let her study further. That can invest in her passions and support her endeavours. Most of our girls do not get many of their needs fulfilled because their parents were busy saving for their weddings. If this trend continues, our girls can never stand on their own feet. Soon girls shall be marketed on platforms like OLX and auctioned for their good looks and skill at domestic chores. Forgive me! I totally forgot we once had our girls auctioned indeed! Our conservative minds would very soon realize that we are doing grave injustice to our country by forgetting such a noble practice.

Dear society, you may feel I am turning a pessimist day-by-day but no. I am not. Indeed I am turning an optimist by never losing hope and keeping my trust in you. With every letter I write to you, I keep believing that one concern of mine is now being looked into. Hope you are not paying a deaf ear to me.

Yours sincerely,

An Expecting Mother.