It was getting late
enough to be worried. I once again stepped into the balcony and looked down.
Except for a drenched street dog that was lying down miserably near the gate,
there was not a soul to be seen anywhere. Rain water had puddled under the lamp
post. A breeze ruffled the mango tree in the courtyard and a few twigs fell
down and broke. Thunder rumbled in the distance. Did I hear a soft knock at the
door? I turned back to see a lizard straining to numb the housefly it just
caught landing on the door.
I looked back at the
clock to find its hands locked together in a tight embrace. They seemed to mock
at my state of utter helplessness by feigning a witty Namaste. I walked back to
the balcony to see if there is any sign of life out there. It was not the first
time that Vikram hadn’t returned home. However, that day was different as I had
a rift with him in the morning, minutes before he left for college. It was his
day of results and I asked him not to come home with a sullen face and a
disappointing score card. He told me that days had changed and that it was just
impossible for him to fail that year.
Apart from everything
else, it was his final statement that left me worried throughout the night.
“Don’t worry mom! I am not going to show my sullen face to you again”, he said
as he left. The words didn’t seem to affect me in the beginning but as the
light started fading out, they kept repeating in my mind hitting me harder with
each passing hour. I knew it was it was all, my fault. I should not have troubled
him so much with my stern words. Staring at the deserted street on that stormy
night I had no other option but to weigh hope after hope on his safe arrival in
the morning.
Since evening I have
been calling up his friends but none seemed to know his whereabouts. I called
up the college landline but there was no response from the other end. His phone
was out-of-reach since evening and even my efforts to trace his location failed
as he unchecked his location finder. That meant he purposefully stayed away
from me. However that also meant something else. That he was in perfect consciousness
and shall return home once his anger subsides. That thought relaxed me a little
as it washed off the other troubling thoughts like self-immolation which had
been haunting me for the past few hours.
Vikram was not just a
son to me. He was indeed my life-line. He was the one who kept my heart beating
when his father left me forever to live in this merciless world. The
acknowledgement of his presence was what kept me away from radical thoughts
like ending my life to join his father in heaven. In this heart-less society
which had no decent place for single-parents, I struggled day and night to
bring him up on par with his peers. My struggle was to never let the society’s scornful
ways to hurt his tender heart. In the process, I spoilt him a little more than
needed and that finally made him into what the society always professes for a single-parented
child to become; a reckless youngster with neither empathy nor sympathy towards
any living being on Earth.
What if I was wrong?
What if someone had trapped him? I suddenly woke out of my slumber and picked
up the phone. His location was still untraceable. The latest thought shook me
to the core. What if his phone was taken away from him and him…? I couldn’t
even dare complete the thought. How could something like that happen to my
son? No. That was completely out of my
imagination. I ran to the balcony to see if there was any movement out there.
Once again I was unsuccessful. The roads had dried up from the evening’s shower
but the chilling winds of the midnight air were leaving a frail trace of dew on
the ill-lit tar.
I stood staring at the
deserted road for a while and suddenly in a reflex I placed a call to the
police station. A drowsy voice answered my desperate call from the other end.
Unbothered by the latter’s careless answers; I narrated the entire story to him
and asked him to immediately initiate a search operation for my missing son. He
dreamily heard my woes and finally told me to stay cool and call him in the
morning if my son didn’t return till then. “Don’t take a hurried decision
madam. Ladka aa jayega” he said in an affirmative tone. Though his
affirmation relaxed my pace a bit, it couldn’t last for long. I immediately
took out my phone and called a journalist friend. After what seemed to be
another painful fifteen minutes of narrating the entire tale, the answer from
the other end was again the same. In the same drowsy voice my friend assured
me, “Banda aa jajega. Don’t make an issue out of it”.
Issue! Was I making an
issue out a petty scene? It was my son missing since afternoon and there was no
god damn soul to at least take in the seriousness of the situation. I thought
of taking up a social media campaign right away. But somewhere from the depths
of my heart, I personally didn’t want to make an issue out of it. What if he
suddenly shows up? He would be very upset with me for ruining his image among
his friends. I put the phone down and once again leaned back in the arm chair
to relax my battling eyelids.
It was not more than
fifteen minutes when I woke up to the ring of my mobile phone. The police
inspector on the other end was stern. He directly let out the information onto
my un-expecting ears and soon after waking up from the fall that followed, I
ran to the police-station to confirm the news. Why would Vikram be on the
National Highway at that hour? “A dare-game”, the inspector told me. A dare!!!
I could hear myself repeating first within myself and then to whosoever cares
to look at me.
Why would these
youngsters always fall prey for such ruthless dare-games? How could they
under-value their lives so much? Would they ever think of the people that were
supposed to live in the vacuum that they were going to create in their lives?
Above all how could Vikram do it to him?
“Vikram was dead” the
thought kept haunting me.
Vikram! You couldn’t do
this to me.
Vikram!
I woke up in a start.
The clock struck two in the morning. ‘A nightmare’, I realized as an after-thought.
My hair was all shrivelled, my clothes unchanged. I looked at the mirror to
witness my horrifying look. I went to the washroom to take a quick wash.
Walking out of the washroom I once again moved to the balcony. Once again,
there was none to accompany the drenched dog. It was cowering under the fallen
hoarding. I moved into the house when I suddenly turned back. Have I seen
someone walking alone on the road? I rushed back to the balcony. There he was.
Vikram!
“Vikram”, I shouted
behind him. I ran to the door, unlatched it and rushed to the ground floor.
“Vikram, I’m coming.
Forgive me for all I’ve said in the morning. Forgive this ignorant mother for
causing harm to your sensitive soul”, I ran onto the streets to find none on
its deserted back. The watchman woke up at my cries. He hurried to my aid as I
collapsed on the empty road running behind nothingness calling out for my son.
Within no time the entire apartment was aware of my situation. People came in
with suggestions and complaints. Finally a majority of them had the same thing
to say, “ladka aa jayega madam. Don’t worry”.
I couldn’t control my
happiness on seeing him. It was almost like the nightmare I had last night. The
only difference was that it was a better dream with a better taste. I pinched
myself to make sure that was not dreaming. It hurt. No, I wasn’t dreaming.
Vikram pushed me aside to lounge into the sofa. I walked to him and slowly
asked him where he was all night. “Party mom, I got through the exams”, he said
before dozing off in a hangover. I went onto my knees and sat thus beside him
for so long that my legs couldn’t even realize that they were numbed ages ago.
Was I happy that he
returned? I don’t know. Was I angry that he didn’t bother to tell me where he
was? I don’t know. I just sat there like every mother that faces this situation
at least once in her life when her son considers himself to have grown up
enough to stay away from home without any intimation. Next time when a
desperate mother comes rushing to my home asking for her missing son, I would
hold her hand and look straight into her eyes and say, “Ladkaa aa jayega
madam. Don’t worry”.
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